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Figure 2- Cases of LGBTQ Domestic Violence in New York:
Figure 3- Highest Ranked Cities of LGBTQ DV in 1999:
All data in Figures 1-3 complied from The AVP Report on Domestic Violence According to the scholars David Newman & Liz Grauerholz, authors of the textbook Sociology of Families (2002), domestic violence may take three different forms:
Theoretical Considerations: Power Not As Coercion Power is not always held by one individual; it is fluid and capillary. Perhaps our traditional notions of power as coercion should be thrown out with the bath water (Foucault: 1974). Power need not always be defined in relation to the hegemony of one almighty force exerting its will over another. Power is not held by one individual in the homosexual relationship; the division of labor is not clearly defined. Now that homosexual families have begun “coming out,” the power relationships within these relationships are being shaped for the very first time. Although the division of labor in heterosexual relationships has become less clear, traditional power relations characterized by patriarchal domination still persist. However, in homosexual relationships the traditional dichotomy – dominant-submissive, breadwinner-homecare giver, man-woman – does not translate. Many attempts have been made to depict the man-woman dichotomy in homosexual relationships, particularly in lesbian relationships, such as butch-femme. However, much of the scholarship in this area quells the notion that gay identities are fixed (Nestle: 1992, Esterberg: 1997, Vicinus: 1996, Darty & Potter: 1984, D’Augelli: 1995). Jeffrey Weeks and Eve Kosofsky-Sedgwick have both criticized universalizing and “naturalistic” views of homosexuality. Not all lesbians are butch or femme; not all gay men are top or bottom; and certainly the bisexual and transgendered segments of the community make even more dubious the “traditional family” dynamic. An LGBTQ family has no clear structure to speak of because it is still being molded, transmogrified, decided, discussed, and politicized. Domestic violence in the LGBTQ community is not easily summarized in one theory; it must be explored on a case by case basis. Traditionally the power structure in the heterosexual family has been used to explain why one partner is able to perpetrate violence against the other partner. In homosexual relationships the power structure is not clearly fixed, and it is constantly changing as LGBTQ culture becomes not only more visible, but challenges the current hegemonic discourse on sexuality in the public sphere. As the definitions of family and sexuality have become increasingly polemicized, they are continually being re-created and re-shaped. One theory alone cannot possibly encompass an entire community. Rather than searching for one or even two rationales for why LGBTQ DV exists, we must realize that there must be a multiplicity of rationales determined on a case by case basis. It would be propitious for scholars in this nascent discipline to apply theories that seek to deconstruct contemporary discourse. We may want to avoid constructing theoretical bodies of knowledge that normalize and universalize an existing phenomenon; in other words, we cannot use the same measuring stick for all cases of domestic violence. Ethnography is the key to grasping these varying and many rationales. LGBTQ DV has been ignored for too long; it has been ignored because many people subscribe to what I refer to as Same-Sex Bond Theory, and they have bought into The Feminization of the LGBTQ community. Same-Sex Bond Theory Same-Sex Bond Theory refers to the notion that homosexual partners have a “deeper bond” because they are of the same sex. Popular discourse perpetuates this notion – through media representation and cultural imagery – that same-sex couples have a uniquely innate understanding of their partners. Same-sex couples are supposedly able to “get closer” to one another because they are of the same sex. Being of the same sex provides insight, knowledge, and understanding into your partner’s identity. Biologically and socially they are susceptible to the same gender norms and rules, meaning they ostensibly have been socialized in the same manner. Homosexual communication is therefore seen as being superior to heterosexual communication. The understanding is that homosexual couples do not need to engage in domestic violence because they have innate tools which enable them to communicate better through verbal and nonviolent means. Because many have subscribed to this theory, domestic violence has been criminally ignored in the LGBTQ community. Either (1) many have ignored it much as they have ignored the community itself, wishing homosexuality was a fad and its participants would abstain from its practice altogether, or (2) people may have believed that DV was not a problem for the LGBTQ community because homosexual relationships were seen as not being as susceptible to DV. Because we live in a hetero-normative society, DV has typically been seen as a problem of the heterosexual community. Many people will often unknowingly subscribe to Same-Sex Bond Theory, and therefore cannot comprehend how DV could be a part of intimate homosexual relationships. Moreover, particularly in the case of gay men, the LGBTQ community has been feminized. The Feminization of Love The Feminization of Love, a concept first introduced in the 1980’s (Hochschild: 1983, Holtzworth-Munroe & Jacobson: 1985, Thompson & Walker: 1989, Cancian: 1987, Cancian: 1993) suggests that in society we typically equate love with our notions of femininity. We depict the concept of love using terms usually associated with what western societies use to measure levels of womanhood; emotionality, sensitivity, warmth, and even irrationality. Because the LGBTQ communities as a whole – in particular gay men – have been feminized, society has attached a whole host of meanings to what it means to be gay. Images in the media continue to perpetuate the image of the LGBTQ community as a passive and submissive population of interior decorators, dancing queens, and matrons. The majority of these images – found in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Will & Grace, and others – continue to assist in the Feminization of the LGBTQ community. The idea that DV is not a problem for the LGBTQ community is buttressed by the sexist and hetero-normative ideas that are fed to use by the media. The discourse on femininity would suggest that being feminine means that the body is a passive one. Because the LGBTQ community has been feminized, gay individuals are seen as being non-aggressive; as individuals who because of their feminine “nature” are able to verbalize their problems without resorting to violence. The media continues to pervade images of gay men as “sissy-boys” and lesbians as androgynous matrons. These images continue to suggest that violence is not, and cannot be present in homosexual relationships. If we can set aside the two former hetero-normative theories, perhaps we can ascertain a better understanding of not just LGBTQ DV, but contribute to the burgeoning discourse on sexuality, gender, family, and Queer Studies. The major limitations of the research done on LGBTQ DV have not just been in its theoretical base but in its methodology as well. Methodology Even in Claire Renzetti’s pioneering work Violent Betrayal: Partner Abuse in Lesbian Relationships, sheacknowledges the limitations of quantitative methods, namely her non-random sampling. Soliciting respondents is to my understanding not the most propitious way to investigate a population, whether it’s using advertising to entice respondents or using “academic bribery” in order to conduct surveys. The study of the “unstudiable” has come into fashion in the past few decades. I can assure you that gaining access to a world of which you are not member is not only arduous but impossible if you try to access it by merely handing out surveys. Moreover, inviting people from another world into yours in order to conduct research is even more arduous. Ethnography seems to be the only methodology available that allows a more realistic view of DV without having a compromised sample. It has been suggested that cyberspace has proved to be a unique space in which typical signifiers of race, class, gender, and sexuality are not present. This technology is leading us in a new direction in regards to the dismantling or deconstruction of hegemonic discourse (Haraway: 1992, Featherstone: 1996, Stryker: 2000). In addition, cyberspace has been promulgated as the new space for the dissemination, sharing, and discussion of knowledge (Pitts: 2001) In this project I have used the popular social networking site MySpace in order to establish a satellite station. I began a group profile entitled the LGBTQ Domestic Violence Project. Through online chatting, discussions, postings on message boards, and online interviews I have been given detailed first-hand accounts of many experiences of DV in the LGBTQ community. MySpace is an online community that allows individuals to network and socialize. Users, free of charge, can log on and create their member profile. Many people post pictures of themselves on their profiles, and they can invite other members to be on their “friend list.” Through these lists, individuals can engage in conversation. The site is used by many artists and musicians to network with others, and to promote their work. However, should someone violate a space, a user can block other members from viewing their profile. With millions of people logged onto MySpace, it seems like an ideal place to conduct social research. Ethnography in Cyberspace Here is an example of an online conversation I had with a survivor of domestic violence named Shane from Florida. I posted the following question on the group page:
As per my second question here is Shane’s response:
Even in this terse sample we can see that there is no single causality for domestic violence. As Shane articulates, the rationales are multifaceted. In Shane’s case he seemed to express that the abuse he endured was because of power and domination, learned behavior, and “self-hate,” as he called it. The conversation that I had with Shane was quite informative. Shane, unlike many LGBTQ DV survivors, sought assistance from the police. This surprised me because the literature and the statistics on LGBTQ DV suggest that many victims do not seek legal recourse. The conversations I had with Shane were wonderful. He wrote to me about the limited resources that the LGBTQ community has in order to seek help and support for DV. However, Shane wrote about the power of writing poetry and “artistic therapy.” He agreed that sites like the LGBT Domestic Violence Survivors Project and other self-help and community grass-roots projects are essential for providing the much needed institutional support that members of the community sorely need. Our online conversations revealed another key issue; too often people see DV as a problem exclusively for adults. Some scholars have begun utilizing the term “intimate violence” for this reason. DV is not just a problem for married heterosexual couples; it’s a problem for couples in non-heterosexual relationships, cohabiters, and young adults as well. While many people are familiar with child abuse that is perpetrated by an adult against a child, many neglect that young people are also susceptible to DV if they are engaged in an intimate relationship that is characterized by violence. Jay Silverman, Anita Raj, Lorelei Mucci, and Jeanne Hathaway conducted a study of violence in youth relationships, with startling results. After surveying approximately 2,000 girls ages 14-18, they found that 20% had been survivors of many forms of DV, from interpersonal conflict right on up to systematic abuse (2001). Conclusion This is an ongoing project, and I would like to continue compiling the stories and narratives of various survivors of domestic violence in both the hetero and homosexual communities. Through this process, people should begin to discover how to thwart the erroneous ideas and actions – like Same-Sex Bond Theory and The Feminization of LGBTQ – that only help to falsely justify why DV is not a serious problem for LGBTQ. Grass roots efforts need to be taken to establish institutionalized support for the LGBTQ community. This study is one that I will continue. I am hoping that the online community I started will encourage more people to talk about their experiences with domestic violence. I am hoping that more scholars will begin to study this phenomena in a more meaningful way, and that eventually efforts will be taken to eradicate the problem of domestic violence in the LGBTQ community. I encountered a young woman online named Nicole. We initially met through MySpace and after some time began to chat extensively through personal emails. There is something quite powerful about the human voice. It contains an emotion that statistics or studies cannot capture. I will leave you with a sample of Nicole’s story: “We worked together in a trendy salon. I worked in management, as what they called a salon coordinator; a fancy term for a receptionist I suppose. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I was in my early 20’s; I think I might have even been 20 when we met. She was 32 when we first met. The age difference never really seemed to bother me. She would come to work in these gorgeous exotic dresses. They always seemed to be made of flowing chiffon-like material, so when she went up and down the stairs, her long dress would graze up and down her tan legs and make her almost seem like she was floating. Anyway, she was exotic, really feminine, graceful, and classy. I was never butch or anything. As a matter of fact, at that point in my life, I was somewhat feminine. I often wore skirts, dresses and make-up to work, although I had to. I was basically a jeans and sneakers girl on the weekends, but hey, who [isn’t] these days. I never really thought of myself as a femme or a butch. “At this point in my life I identified as bi-sexual and never really saw myself under such rigid terms. Neither did Tina. Although she identified as a lesbian and had been in a long term relationship with a woman prior to our relationship, I never remember her referring to herself as ‘a femme.’ We started hanging out with a mutual friend. In the beginning we had so much fun together. We really enjoyed each other, from conversations to sex. Things went pretty fast, kind of like that famous lesbian joke: What does a lesbian bring to a first date? A moving truck. We both did retain separate residences until about a year and half into our relationship. She finally moved out of the house that she and her ex had bought together. I was living with several roommates. I found myself looking for a new place to live as the arrangement with my current roommates was dissolving. Thank god. What insanity that living arrangement was. “Tina told me I could stay with her in her new place until I found something, although I suspected she really wanted me to just move in. This is when things got a little crazy. I remember one story so vividly. After living together for a while I finally found an apartment. This did not go over well. She wanted me to stay and well, I still was not ready for what I thought was an intense commitment. Things got bad, fighting ensued incessantly, I even cheated and confessed. One night after horrendous fighting at her place, after I had already moved into my new place, I tried to leave. I was ending it for I think the second time. I tried to exit the rear patio door; it was a sliding glass door. Before I could get my whole body out, she grabbed my torso. She screamed that she wasn’t done and we still had to talk. She said she wasn’t going to let me leave. We struggled in the doorway. She eventually pulled me back into the house. She slammed me to [the] floor. She was quite bigger than me. She held me on the floor, insisting that I was not leaving her. She told me she did not want it to be over and she would hold me there by force if necessary. I got loose from her hold. I went for the door, pushing her hard each time she tried to grab me again. We ended up outside on the patio. I remember striking her really hard. At [this] point it was no holds barred; I was swinging just as hard and fast as her. She grabbed a drinking glass that had been left outside on the patio. She broke the glass on the railings and came towards me. I really was scared at this point. I wrestled with her, grabbing her arms, and screaming that that had gone to far. She dropped the glass. “Our fighting ended in [us] both crying on the floor of the patio, holding each other. I am not quite sure exactly why our relationship ended with this kind of violence. It was just at the end, ya’ know, when things got really bad in our relationship. There would be pushing, shoving, and lots of nasty dialogue. However, it wasn’t until this one night that things got really violent. There are so many reasons why it happened. Everyone always says domestic violence is about power but I’m not sure how it works. She was kind of the femme one in the relationship and she was really the aggressive one. I guess it was about power in that she wanted the power to make me stay. We both used drugs of all kinds on a regular basis. Sometimes I wonder if we all just don’t deal with emotions differently. I wonder if like in Tina’s case, sometimes emotions get the best of us and we really cannot find appropriate means for dealing with our hurt and frustration. It’s not like we are crazy or even temporally insane, whether it is almost natural. Sometimes maybe we are just pissed off- it doesn’t make it right, but isn’t it natural to get pissed off, don’t we all have our breaking point and isn’t that breaking point different for everyone?”
Bibliography Bell, David & Barbara M. Kennedy The Cyberculture Reader. New York: Routledge, 2000.
*** Angela Jones is a PhD student in the sociology department of the New School For Social Research. She is currently an adjunct lecturer of sociology within the City University of New York, teaching undergraduate courses at both Baruch and York Colleges. Angela is also working on her dissertation, entitled “The Niagara Movement 1905-1910: Intellectual Networks, Social Change, & the Making of Black Publics.” Her research interests are expansive. While her dissertation speaks to the existing sociological literature on social change, intellectuals, African American historiography, and publics, she also conducts research in gender and queer studies. When Angela is not teaching, writing her dissertation, conducting ethnography, or reading, she also enjoys watching the game and drinking a Miller Lite.
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